• me: can i go to the bathroom?
  • teacher: what for?
  • me: TO OPEN THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS what do you fucking think for

(Source: aabey14, via forever-a-memory)

"Because this is my life. And that’s the only explanation you will ever need."

— (via coyotegold)

(Source: dayzea, via transcending-in-darkness)



if u were dating a FBI agent and you dumped him.

he would be ur fed ex 

I hope the NSA people scanning my blog got a chuckle out of that

(via liberalsouthernbelle)


We need sex ed because my own mother genuinely believes that if you don’t “deal” with your partner’s erection, it harms them and won’t go away until you do it.

- anonymous


i remember one time the simpsons made a joke about fox news and they got so insulted they tried to sue them but the court was like “this aired on ur network u can’t sue urself”

(via princess-flowers)